Recently i have been watching the movie Rent alot and can recite the whole movie if i wanted to. i can honestly say that it is my favorite movie.
i watch it over and over again and never get tired of the movie. lol
i sing the songs all the time and annoy my mom with the repetitive tunes. haha
i want to go to NY just to see RENT on Broadway. its one of my goals and hopefully get their autographs!! i would love that. i know the movie actors arent the same as the Broadway actors but they still play the same character.
well its christmas so in the words of Tom Collins " Merry Christmas Bitches" XD
So this year wasn't the best year. actually 2011 was the worst year EVER. DIVORCE, FIGHTING. Thanksgiving wasn't all that great, it was decent. now Christmas is becoming my most disliked holiday.
My family is officially falling apart seeing as i am no longer welcome into my grandmas house. and my dad is not sharing christmas with me and my brother. we have no money for presents this year because its all going to RENT and BILLS plus its even worse because daddy isnt helping at ALL!!!!
im spending christmas with my best friend alissa and new years with her and my mom didnt care one bit. mostly because she knows what we are going though, she wants me to have a good christmas and knows i will with alissa but i dont know. i just saw alissas family and was opening presents with them, eating dinner with them at a full long table and i could..just...FEEL the love in the house it was soo overwhelming that i couldnt hold back my tears. knowing that my family will never be quite like that again. not happy but full and loving. just that feeling that you know you have it all not by the presents on that day but the people you spend it with. i loved that feeling.
and now i don't have it, it may seem like i do and my family may say "Amanda, your family loves you" but its all about do i feel it. and i don't anymore.
i knew what was going to happen but i didn't know it would become this hard. divorce for a 17 year old you think would be easy seeing as its easier for them to understand but no not really.my 13 year old bother also has got to go through this divorce with our parents also but is taking a different view of things...
seeing as he is a boy he is always with his father and sees MOM as the bad guy because that is what DAD makes her out to be... with all of the things he has to say about her.
but on the other hand some of it is true. THEN you have MOM talking about DAD and its not very nice saying things that really piss me off. but like i said its not like shes lying. so both ends are saying the truth but then again the truth can sting.
and there is also a point where my DAD should keep his mouth shut. so because he cant do that my mother, my brother and i are no longer welcome at my grandmas house...not even for Christmas.
then you have the money issues and child support.
daddy doesn't want to pay for SHIT and lies mostly about having money because he doesn't like to give it to her, and mom is working and doing everything she can to pay the rent, bills and get food. we are living off of food stamps for now. but shes only working at Target and she gets paid very little every two weeks. :/ its not that easy.
oh but its not even the best part, i just LOOOVVEE when they decide to fight and make a scene outside and start to yell. and it just makes my night when the COPS are threatened to be called. i love it. this could all be avoided if they acted like adults
i don't like to cry but its all i have done lately..i don't know what to do anymore. i just want things back to the way they used to be.
i watch it over and over again and never get tired of the movie. lol
